Time has told me nothing

Yesterday, on the 1 month (4 weeks) anniversary of his death, I went to Expirat, the last place both he and I were there.
Later in the night, I was dancing away by myself when a stranger came up to me with a concerned face and said,

'' Tu ai fost prietena lui Zinn?''

and I said nothing but nod. And he looked down, as if I was an abandoned puppy, and walked away without a word.

What hurt me wasn't the question, nor his manner,
it was the past tense he was using.

my time has stopped. since his did.
it is a little difficult in finding meanings in things now. doing things, humoring people, for the sake of doing.
i really don't want to do anything. it's been 16 very difficult days.
i need space.

trabant love

i do like the trabant much. although i don't think i've ever got the chance to sit or drive in one, much less own one. it's just one of those sweet cars.

on a random note: bad grammar is like nails on the chalkboard to my ears. although actually hearing bad grammar spoken isn't as bad as reading bad grammar written/typed. not to say that i have perfect grammar, but..i..just...feel..like..ranting silly. oh and it's especially funny when someone wants to make a serious point out there to some random person on YAHOO MESSENGER and types badly on their status messages. U_U *undecided whether to laugh or to barf first*

yes kiyaa is very evil today.

take you take me

this took a hell of a long time. figuring out what looks best for the two chickas over here. but i'm pretty happy with what came out of it. ^_^
and geez it's raining all the time these days. @_@

WIP: take you, take me

i have no idea what's happening with these two chickas, but there's something attracting me to them.
plus i think they're pretty hot. in their own secretive way.

save her save me

i just got this image in my head and i had to spit it out.

i think there is something to be found in sketches, and only as much as a year or two i can look back at this and go ''whoa what was i thinking''.

explicit soup

let's. ;)

car date

an old work (well maybe a couple of months or so), dug up and re-done. ^_^

oh and the title's pretty random, really.

spacegirl wants to look pretty

she does, and she's a bit lonely up there.

i was just looking through my old unfinished PSD files from up to 2 years ago, and man. i actually left pretty good works (or potentially good works) unfinished. i can picture myself at the time giving up after feeling worthless about not making it out to be how i pictured it to be(although most of the time, i really never DO have an idea how the end look should be. and thinking and deciding on that usually takes about half to 3/4 of the work time i spend on it).

just a discovery of old.. ''treasures'' is too grand a word for it but i can't think of another more humble, realistic word right now.

shy spacegirl

she's mortified in actuality.


gosh changing color schemes to something i'm not used to is difficult. god knows how long i took to decide on the contrasts and hues. but i think i can make something out of this.

save the hen

personally speaking, i couldn't care less for saving hens. i do care about eating them though.

i was just looking for references on the net and found a site with one of those animal enthusiasts activists' group. which, on a personal opinion, i feel is so silly it's almost sad. hens aren't even endangered. i don't have beef with people liking animals, but i do get annoyed at all the effort, energy and money on animals instead of people who would really need it.

it seems like i've created a paradox between my work and my description. awesome cool.

attack

jump cat jump!
now that exams are over i seem to be getting this artist's block. it is awfully annoying, and very inconvenient since i'll be working on a number of projects over the summer. and i am in denial about coming back home this summer. it's just very, very inconvenient timing. =(

arsonist no like fags

arsonist likes her real fags.

you know, like, ciggies? (oh gosh i'm being lame here)


ps/ this is not an attack to homosexuals in any way. @_@

it is unbelievably annoying that i get this pang for drawing and reading books during exam times. things i want to do arent necessarily unproductive, they just... don't quite help with my papers. U_U

WIP: arsonist no like fags

the happy arsonist

doodle.
i want to make sketchier things. at the same time i want to make more detailed things. tough combination to make.

this was, an experiment. although on what, i'm not sure. been a bit half awake the whole day/night.

yum?

finally getting my virgin hands onto texture waters.
oh i am addicted to dexter. as in the justified psycho killer. @_@

oh my gwaaad

my anxiety and constant surprises these days is well demonstrated by this illustration.
i found this while cleaning up my incredibly messy drives, i was playing around while working on that storyboard for ismail.

i took the plunge with a blindfold

hold on to your umbrella- part 1 of series
acrylics on 50x50cm
i drew in the signature digitally because it kills me to do that to the actual painting.


protect your happiness WIP-2

WIP: protect your happiness

embrace your D
*sigh* UwU


protect your happiness

i like it at this stage and i know after working some time at it it'll totally lose its fluidity. =(

oh the small painting at the back is a sneak peak to the painting from before ''otoko nante iranai''. it's pretty much 99.9% done, there's just some dots i haven't quite polished yet. :P

you said it and you wrote it down

i got tired of finishing up my painting assignments for school, and i just wanted to get back to my beloved tablet again.

i did not have anything in mind to draw, i seem to be in those days where i write feelings down instead of drawing. a shift of outlets, you can say. only for a while though, i know i've never been good at words anyway.

so i caught a glimpse of the reflection in my glass window of my face. and i just doodled after that. definitely nothing creative, it's just a chilling doodle, while taking a break from my canvases to take a fag.

ps/ i think i've hypnotised myself quite much these days with the music i've been playing.

Writers

Writers are amazing.
How they can be so expressive, and not give a care if anyone they know, or are close to, could judge them for what they write.
Your words, your thoughts, even if labeled ''fiction'' are still unmistakably produced from your mind. Writing them down, articulating abstract thoughts and feelings into words, onto paper- is already a form of total exposure, your own self being the first reader, the first discoverer to your thoughts- which I find even that by itself highly intimidating.
Writing for strangers, putting it all out in the open daylight, for them to peer into something so deep, your deepest darkest secrets- the patterns, the blueprint of your mind itself, like you have absolutely nothing to hide- that is absolutely courageous.

otoko nante iranai-on progress

acrylics on canvas 50x50cm

took care of it

don't wait for someone else to take care of it for you.

on the other hand,
i am crazy. i cannot sleep. no, i just don't try hard enough.

i gotta start downing sleeping pills soon.

assignment paintings

alina from studio (portrait of a studio colleague assignment)


alien communication (urban landscape assignment)

works still in progress. towards completion it always gets harder and harder, and i take longer and longer. i tend to skip from one painting to another and back to the older one all the time, to get that fresher eye and also from the fact that i get easily get sick after sometime. @_@

oh that's me in the mirror with my typical work painting clothes.

feeling a little wasted

i am getting these frequent pangs of paranoia these days that just hit me out of nowhere. like someone or something is going to take me away.

not to mention i am not getting the quality of sleep at the right times at all. i twist and turn, even if i'm not alone, and my brain cannot stop thinking.

it's not like i'm thinking about anything worldly or intelligent, like modern philosophy or social issues. most of the times i'm recalling memories (oh how i hate the word) and people i know, or used to know. people who used to be there and not anymore, and people who never used to be there but seemed to have been around me forever. how things turned out, how things never turned out. how people change, and stay the same, in an incredible amount of ways.

i do not discover new wisdom from all this, but i do get enlightened on things about myself.
i discovered that i am a lot more emotional a creature than the impression i seem to project to people. now. and this is driving me a little bit insane, there is no outlet where i can feel comfortable safe to talk about some useless things that bring no conclusion. i used to have prav, but. gazillions of miles away, no matter how you look at it it's hard to keep up.

maybe i'm being a narcissist or an elitist with my thoughts. or just acutely embarassed.



time is an annoying thing. it would be nice if i had a little remote control of my own.
there are things you know you're going to go through. and you know it well. shouldn't you get a forward button to skip the achingly slow storyline that you already know? like how watching a movie trailer, you'd know the beginning, the middle, the plot twist, and the ending of the story.

there are things you don't want to experience but you know you will. and just thinking about it already gives you that experience even if the time hasn't come yet. shouldn't that be considered as something that's past?

could time be a little bit kinder and give some leeway?

forgot

i forget the most important things and remember the most useless things.
it used to be funny.
not anymore.

flying V

Air Guitar!!


i need to buy lights for my room. the yellow lights is pissing the hell off me while painting. U_U
i've started painting at the balcony now, relying on natural sunlight. but i love working at night, so. i shall head to Brico store to get me some new white lights.

beat freak me out

oh i am sooo needing education on graphic and text design and composition. *knocks head on wall*
this took me bloody ages.

oh brian is playing. ^_^ hope i can catch the actual party, but the exam is being an ass for taking dates around june. U_U

storyboard

worked on a storyboard for george. these are random snippets of it.
ps/ it's my own apartment actually! =D

WIP: flyingV

ohgodohgodineedtostudyohgodohgoddenialgahh

sketch bulk2

since i also write some very personal things in the same book i had to censor some parts. lol. the opposite of the page with the sketch for ''don't let alcohol spill in your words'' are just song lyrics for the band so it's okay. ahha!

Shimetara Daijoubu

i'm still into the pixels thing it seems. it's a nice element to explore.

....not much comments on this one. it might be a wee bit too emo. *shrugs*

oh ps/ i just watched the movie ''Hanging Garden'' (2005). very, very, very, awesome. somehow a twisted family like that seems nice to have, i suppose it'll give you some different outlook on things. @_@

everything's gonna be okay if you close it

actual title that popped into my head: Shimetara daijoubu.
i just have been indulging in japanese movies and comics these days that i speak japanese to myself. yes, you don't have to tell me how lame that is. i can't help it so let me be!

oh and i seem to have problems finishing an artwork. but i don't want to not draw something that pops in my head just because i'm not done with one, i don't want to lose the feel that i got at that time. is that childish of me?

WIP: not on the same level

don't let alcohol spill in your words

i realise that i have low tolerance to drunk people, and even less for drunken people who talk.
i made my mind up on that after witnessing many unsightful drunkards in vama this week. i don't see the point for these people having fun and completely forgetting everything the next day @_@

advice to self and everyone else: if you get drunk, don't talk.

oh i had loads and loads of fun drawing the small lil censorship pixelated boxes. that i don't mind so much even if it didn't turn out easily recognisable. =D

may first.

happy labor's day! ironically i'm posting a work on this off-day. then again i don't actually hold the right to celebrate since i'm not techniccally in the labour community. gotta do something about that.
anyhows, i just thought of posting some scenes of a storyboard i've been helping ismail out with.

yesterday was a weird day though, i keep bumping into people i knew on the streets. now, bucharest is a pretty small town and people tend to go to the same places, but still. maybe i'm getting that weird feeling again of bumping into people because i haven't been out of the house that much in daylight.

avoidance is key

this is a wee bit different than the usual. i'm in a slightly delicate state these days, so i guess it explains the smoother feel in comparison to the usual works. i'm liking the flat feel these days.


something funky's happening to my photoshop, when i resized it in jpeg form it gets elongated. i tried different things and i'm not sure what it is that's the problem.

seaside, leaving tomorrow for vama veche. who's with me?

kiyaa taking a walk

i've abandoned the line art but i'm glad i still went with it. ahha!
i do have those shoes, socks, bag, dress, scarf. but the headphones, though, i left it at my ex work place a long time ago but i never get around picking it up. U_U although i loved it very muchly. lollipop may be a euphemism for just about anything. ;)

By the way, i went to the ''grandma's backyard'' at la scena yesterday, supposedly an art flea market. the site gave me the impression that they were selling vintage and second hand things for people who are looking for nice treasures among trash for a cheaper price. it wasn't quite like that.
it was a lovely place, but the impression that i got after taking a look around was that it was more of a show rather than a market. there were nice handmade works: clothes, bags, badges, shoes etc, but most of the prices, sorry to say, were not of art market material. i understand that they were viewed more as ''artworks'' than actual utility objects by the creators but for a mass selling like that i would suggest diverting their priorities from a ''solo exhibition''(which weren't quite anyway since it was a gathering of them) to business related to art that would actually be distributed and shared among the public who were interested to bring something nice home.

somehow i'm getting the impression that the artsy people in bucharest, (the ones i've been running into) are rather hardcore elistist, being in the domain because it's the trend. to me, there is a difference between talent, and talent coupled with a tinge of arrogance and elitism. just a small opinion of mine derived from various observations around.
i really hope it changes for the better in the future.

coffee cake love

i feel like making a new ID for my Deviantart account, so this is the wip. =D
been working more with my paints these days. i seem to have a problem properly finishing each and everyone of them. and gosh i need tor ush for my school assignments. U_U

stuck in car

this came out totally different. i seem to have this pattern of sticking with a 2nd or 3rd try of colors. in a way it's good, i don't give up all that easy. in a way it's bad, i'm losing my ''do it once and be done with it'' at first try. then again i'm still in training. *shrugs*

couldnt sleep after watching ''Shutter'' the thai version. U_U it was extra scary, watching it in the middle of the night without anyone with me.

stuck in car WIP

okay, after hanging out with car freaks i'm interested to illustrate some. expect more vintage looking cars your way. =D

needing a break for myself

the art demonstration went great, i was surprised the amount of attention i received.. at one point i turned back and saw the room absolute full, and got even more nervous than before. when i was finished, people applauded, and when i stood up my legs were trembling. that was a lot of fun though. =)


i took a week long holiday for myself when a Malaysian friend of mine from Birmingham made a visit over here, so i havent been working on anything at all other than the last pieces i made for Fabrica. i just thought to post the other variations i made. the last image with the tanks were placed in a different composition though, i'm too lazy to remake that. lol.