holiday post

No works for a while because I'm having the time of my life back home in Malaysia.
Did you know that Malaysia is, like, so cool? I didn't know. It's awesome.

I am absorbing the Malaysian-ness back into me, indulging myself with all that home has got to offer. And home's got to offer A LOT. I basically feel like I'm spoiling myself by just being Malaysian. It's THAT awesome.

Gonna hit East Coast in the first week of January. As in, the seaside. Yes. the sun is up, the sand is warm, the waters alive. <3 Sorry suckers, Malaysia's warm all year round. (Not sure whom I'm addressing but let me gloat for just a bit) Gosh I am starting to talk like my sister.

I'm in the mood to catch up with people and meet new peeps and do things(whatever that means), so if anyone's up to something and is/are somewhere around KL at the moment, drop me a line.

Happy holidays and a Happy New Year!

ps/2009 better be a better year or I'll have a boot up the ass of the responsible figure. And I will, without a doubt, FIND YOU.

portrait with bear

there is something harsh about this but i could not help it anymore.

Lone

birthday present for Lone, 11th december.
acryclics on canvas. can't remember the dimensions, but it was pretty small.



oh and since i was in the hardworking mood of taking pictures, this is how the corner of my new apartment where i paint and stuff. @_@ i got the hang of working on the floor.

help me help you

photoshop CS

go on and put the blindfold back on honey.

WIP: help me help you

compensating for lazy days.

pull it off

oh i forgot this one. damn it the absence of internet fucks up my chronological order of things.

extinguish

to break the dry spell, here's a little sketchy thing.

i have been M.I.A. due to the fact that i was living internet-less for 2 weeks, since i moved to a new, happier place. and by living internet-less i mean it in the pure sense. i wasn't going to friends' houses to use a minute of internet. well except for once, to purely check my email, and even then i didnt even read them. now i feel like a junkie that just broke out of rehab and bathing in goodies all over again. which i keep repeating this phrase to people.

it has been eventful lately, but it is now time to calm down. and back to the drawing board.

as a person, i feel that i am deteriorating. in many, many ways.
i don't know what i am doing, and the second i think i've got a grip on things, i fumble again.
i am quite afraid of what i'm growing into. i am indulging in the vengeance against nature, in a pointless, unproductive manner. perhaps destructive, even.
my name is a big burden to carry.

needless to say, consciously i am trying to work against deterioration. but the subconscious gets the best of me. if only it didn't affect the people around me, the people i really care about, i would have been glad.

flood in forest

not.. so sure where i got this from.
been watching a lot of supernatural and dexter lately. maybe the white nurse look is from House M.D.. beats me.

at least it's a change of colors. never painted in so much green before, i think.

photoshop cs.

WIP: forest flood

i know i was supposed to do more variation on the last one, which i did start working on actually. but i have this image that i just have to draw first. there'll be cute things added to this.

afraid to jump 1

photoshop CS

i plan to do more variations on this. this isnt how i pictured it to come out, but i felt too guilty of making so little strokes of colour. (i had really crispy cut out feel in mind. those are so minimalistically gorgeous)

WIP:afraid to jump

photoshop CS

i miss swimming pools.

because i

i smoke and drink too much. tone down? maybe if he breathes.

because i miss you.

photoshop CS

this winter

photoshop CS

back to the deadnessity of it all.
i simply love drawing just what i want to draw. i am not going to justify myself.

childish, a little wildish

photoshop CS
this doesn't say anything but boy did i have fun playing around. it's always hard to really make a decision on what looks good. plus it's a nice change from dark things, as some people have commented about the last few works.
oh title from damien rice's song-childish. how is is he so freaking good man. U_U

don't go

sketch photoshop CS. the comeback of the two chickas.

unwant dream

photoshop CS
gosh all those cigarettes.

it is hard being

if i danced hard enough, would you reappear as suddenly as you disappeared?
if i played all your favourite songs, would you listen to my words as well?

what if i told you i still love you.
all i need is for you to tell me how you're doing
all i need is for you to hear me say, i still love you.

it is tough being in love with a dead man
but loving you is too easy.

i hope there is internet wherever you are.



photoshop CS

WIP: it is hard being

work in progress

when i think of you

photoshop CS

on a side note,
it is quite hard to draw something that shows the emotion of missing someone.
and whoa my works are getting colder and colder.

on another side note,
oh god i never knew that paintball could massacre someone's legs so bad. and and and. i want to play more.

drastic measure

i am quite happy with this one. i am quite curious how the next few works will look like.
good news is that i might have gotten myself addicted to drawing all over again. feels like finding new love.

it's the good old days again.

Update: Print sold to Christophe.

WIP: save the record

as always, music really affects my attitude while drawing.
i should really stop listening to sappy things.
i like cute little bad girls. these two aren't too bad though. not yet anyway.

baby

more minimalistic sketches from me.
bear with me for a while.
i find it hard to come up with vibrant colours these days.
i hope it's a phase, because i really like colours.
funny, i noticed my drawings look really lifeless these days.

stand, you.

a nothing-much sketch. photoshop CS


another drwaing that i couldn't get the energy nor desire to finish. maybe one day. maybe one day.

help yourself

photoshop CS3

on a side note,
the healing process is a funny one.
and mango is giving me incredible scratch marks. the cat.
hmm. what else.
i need to start taking life by the balls. guess i have to find it first. *shrug*

WIP: please help yourself

damn photoshop wouldn't detect my pressure sensivity. utterly annoyed.

she found something new

photoshop CS3

a come back work after more than 2 months.
i got my computer fixed yesterday, though i still don't know the fate of my hard disk.

drawing again, feels really overwhelming. i haven't exercised this part of the brain for a while. nor the hand. i hope things will get better from now on.

i have been a complete sloth the past months, waking up and it is the same as yesterday, and the day before. nights wasted on frivolous drinking and partying. but i have been concentrating more on the band. very sad about the fact that we had to replace our guitarist, but to keep going on i need to have goals. aiming for a gig after we have more songs down. my vision of the band has changed since we first started, it was only for the fun of it. but recently i have found a bit more passion in singing and the guitar, so i would like to work more on things.

painting on the other hand has been going very slow, but i'm picking up the pieces.

Time has told me nothing

Yesterday, on the 1 month (4 weeks) anniversary of his death, I went to Expirat, the last place both he and I were there.
Later in the night, I was dancing away by myself when a stranger came up to me with a concerned face and said,

'' Tu ai fost prietena lui Zinn?''

and I said nothing but nod. And he looked down, as if I was an abandoned puppy, and walked away without a word.

What hurt me wasn't the question, nor his manner,
it was the past tense he was using.

my time has stopped. since his did.
it is a little difficult in finding meanings in things now. doing things, humoring people, for the sake of doing.
i really don't want to do anything. it's been 16 very difficult days.
i need space.

trabant love

i do like the trabant much. although i don't think i've ever got the chance to sit or drive in one, much less own one. it's just one of those sweet cars.

on a random note: bad grammar is like nails on the chalkboard to my ears. although actually hearing bad grammar spoken isn't as bad as reading bad grammar written/typed. not to say that i have perfect grammar, but..i..just...feel..like..ranting silly. oh and it's especially funny when someone wants to make a serious point out there to some random person on YAHOO MESSENGER and types badly on their status messages. U_U *undecided whether to laugh or to barf first*

yes kiyaa is very evil today.

take you take me

this took a hell of a long time. figuring out what looks best for the two chickas over here. but i'm pretty happy with what came out of it. ^_^
and geez it's raining all the time these days. @_@

WIP: take you, take me

i have no idea what's happening with these two chickas, but there's something attracting me to them.
plus i think they're pretty hot. in their own secretive way.

save her save me

i just got this image in my head and i had to spit it out.

i think there is something to be found in sketches, and only as much as a year or two i can look back at this and go ''whoa what was i thinking''.

explicit soup

let's. ;)

car date

an old work (well maybe a couple of months or so), dug up and re-done. ^_^

oh and the title's pretty random, really.

spacegirl wants to look pretty

she does, and she's a bit lonely up there.

i was just looking through my old unfinished PSD files from up to 2 years ago, and man. i actually left pretty good works (or potentially good works) unfinished. i can picture myself at the time giving up after feeling worthless about not making it out to be how i pictured it to be(although most of the time, i really never DO have an idea how the end look should be. and thinking and deciding on that usually takes about half to 3/4 of the work time i spend on it).

just a discovery of old.. ''treasures'' is too grand a word for it but i can't think of another more humble, realistic word right now.

shy spacegirl

she's mortified in actuality.


gosh changing color schemes to something i'm not used to is difficult. god knows how long i took to decide on the contrasts and hues. but i think i can make something out of this.

save the hen

personally speaking, i couldn't care less for saving hens. i do care about eating them though.

i was just looking for references on the net and found a site with one of those animal enthusiasts activists' group. which, on a personal opinion, i feel is so silly it's almost sad. hens aren't even endangered. i don't have beef with people liking animals, but i do get annoyed at all the effort, energy and money on animals instead of people who would really need it.

it seems like i've created a paradox between my work and my description. awesome cool.

attack

jump cat jump!
now that exams are over i seem to be getting this artist's block. it is awfully annoying, and very inconvenient since i'll be working on a number of projects over the summer. and i am in denial about coming back home this summer. it's just very, very inconvenient timing. =(

arsonist no like fags

arsonist likes her real fags.

you know, like, ciggies? (oh gosh i'm being lame here)


ps/ this is not an attack to homosexuals in any way. @_@

it is unbelievably annoying that i get this pang for drawing and reading books during exam times. things i want to do arent necessarily unproductive, they just... don't quite help with my papers. U_U

WIP: arsonist no like fags

the happy arsonist

doodle.
i want to make sketchier things. at the same time i want to make more detailed things. tough combination to make.

this was, an experiment. although on what, i'm not sure. been a bit half awake the whole day/night.

yum?

finally getting my virgin hands onto texture waters.
oh i am addicted to dexter. as in the justified psycho killer. @_@

oh my gwaaad

my anxiety and constant surprises these days is well demonstrated by this illustration.
i found this while cleaning up my incredibly messy drives, i was playing around while working on that storyboard for ismail.

i took the plunge with a blindfold

hold on to your umbrella- part 1 of series
acrylics on 50x50cm
i drew in the signature digitally because it kills me to do that to the actual painting.


protect your happiness WIP-2

WIP: protect your happiness

embrace your D
*sigh* UwU


protect your happiness

i like it at this stage and i know after working some time at it it'll totally lose its fluidity. =(

oh the small painting at the back is a sneak peak to the painting from before ''otoko nante iranai''. it's pretty much 99.9% done, there's just some dots i haven't quite polished yet. :P

you said it and you wrote it down

i got tired of finishing up my painting assignments for school, and i just wanted to get back to my beloved tablet again.

i did not have anything in mind to draw, i seem to be in those days where i write feelings down instead of drawing. a shift of outlets, you can say. only for a while though, i know i've never been good at words anyway.

so i caught a glimpse of the reflection in my glass window of my face. and i just doodled after that. definitely nothing creative, it's just a chilling doodle, while taking a break from my canvases to take a fag.

ps/ i think i've hypnotised myself quite much these days with the music i've been playing.

Writers

Writers are amazing.
How they can be so expressive, and not give a care if anyone they know, or are close to, could judge them for what they write.
Your words, your thoughts, even if labeled ''fiction'' are still unmistakably produced from your mind. Writing them down, articulating abstract thoughts and feelings into words, onto paper- is already a form of total exposure, your own self being the first reader, the first discoverer to your thoughts- which I find even that by itself highly intimidating.
Writing for strangers, putting it all out in the open daylight, for them to peer into something so deep, your deepest darkest secrets- the patterns, the blueprint of your mind itself, like you have absolutely nothing to hide- that is absolutely courageous.

otoko nante iranai-on progress

acrylics on canvas 50x50cm

took care of it

don't wait for someone else to take care of it for you.

on the other hand,
i am crazy. i cannot sleep. no, i just don't try hard enough.

i gotta start downing sleeping pills soon.

assignment paintings

alina from studio (portrait of a studio colleague assignment)


alien communication (urban landscape assignment)

works still in progress. towards completion it always gets harder and harder, and i take longer and longer. i tend to skip from one painting to another and back to the older one all the time, to get that fresher eye and also from the fact that i get easily get sick after sometime. @_@

oh that's me in the mirror with my typical work painting clothes.