muses of the kiyaa

as a person, i feel that i am deteriorating. in many, many ways.
i don't know what i am doing, and the second i think i've got a grip on things, i fumble again.
i am quite afraid of what i'm growing into. i am indulging in the vengeance against nature, in a pointless, unproductive manner. perhaps destructive, even.
my name is a big burden to carry.

needless to say, consciously i am trying to work against deterioration. but the subconscious gets the best of me. if only it didn't affect the people around me, the people i really care about, i would have been glad.